Negotiating consent

<p>\n<b>The only way to know for sure if someone has given consent is if they tell you. It’s not always easy to let people know that you are not happy about doing something. Sometimes the person you’re with might look like they’re happy doing something, but on the inside they’re not. They might not know what to say or how to tell you that they are uncomfortable. One of the best ways to determine if someone is uncomfortable with any situation, especially a sexual one, is to simply ask them.</b>\n</p>

<p><b>Questions you could ask:</b><br><br>\n • ‘Is there anything that you don’t want to do?’<br>\n • ‘Are you happy with this?’<br>\n • ‘Are you comfortable?’<br>\n • ‘Do you want to stop?’<br>\n • ‘Do you want to go further?’<br><br>\n\n<b>Recognising non-verbal communication</b><br><br>\nThere are many ways of communicating. The look on someone’s face and their body language are also ways of communicating how they feel, and often have more meaning than the words they say. Here are some ways that a person’s body language can let you know whether or not they are comfortable with what you are doing together:\n</p>

<p><strong>Comfortable Signs</strong></p>

<ul>

<li>Moving closer together</li>
 <li>Actively touching, kissing, hugging</li>
 <li>Relaxed body & facial expressions</li>
 <li>Laughing / giggling</li>
 <li> Moaning with pleasure, enthusiastic noises</li>
 <li>Responsive to your touch</li>
 <li>Communicating positive feelings and enthusiasm</li>
 </ul>
 

<p><strong>Uncomfortable Signs</strong></p>
 

<ul>
 <li>Pushing you away</li>
 <li>Holding their arms tightly around their body or crossing their arms</li>
 <li>Uncomfortable or painful facial expressions</li>
 <li>Turning away from you or hiding their face</li>
 <li>Stiffening muscles</li>
 <li>Not responding to your touch</li>
 <li>Being silent</li>
 </ul>

<p><br>Asking questions and being aware of body language helps you to recognise if the person you’re with is consenting and feeling comfortable, or not consenting and feeling uncomfortable. If you get a negative or non-committal answer to any of your questions, or if your partner’s body language is showing uncomfortable signs, then you should stop what you are doing and talk to them about it. <br><br>They may not be ready or they may have changed their mind – and that’s totally OK – and you need to respect their decision.\n</p>

Saying "NO"

It can sometimes be really hard to say no to our friends, partner or family if they want us to do something. That’s why it is helpful to learn some refusal skills. You can practice ways to say “NO” using the STOP and NICE models.

STOP:

S: Say NO assertively

T: Tell why not

O: Offer other ideas

P: Promptly leave

NICE:

N: Say NO! clearly and assertively: “NO!”

I: Use I (meaning personal) statements: “I don’t like the sound of that”

C: Change the subject/situation: “Why don’t we play basketball instead?”

E: Exit: “I’m going to head home, see you later”